I wrote a small little poem today while sitting in the car on the way home.
I feel like a swirling molecule of sand
swept by the wind at times
at times immersed in the wet ground
can both states be the same?
The feeling of being grounded yet lifted is so consistent in the practice of yoga. whenever we’re sitting or standing the prompt is there – ground your feet/sitting bones and lengthen through your spine to the crown centre of your head.
Almost two years a go I sat in a therapists office, crying, raging, and she said: I can understand why you’re upset but where is your centre? connect to your centre. baffled by her response I raged some more: what does she mean?? what more of a centre can I have – I work, I have friends, I do things I enjoy, I make time for myself. I had no idea what she was talking about until almost a year later when I realized that I (like anyone else) has a centre that is timeless, boundless, spacious, and connected to a divine source of energy within and outside of us. and this centre has nothing to do with our so called reality (our job, our family, our friends, etc). This centre is a space of peace, expansive and calming like the ocean view, which connects us to ourselves and to all of life in this universe. The last time I had encountered this sense of peace & connection was when I was a child playing in the garden with my digging set. Imagine we know something so important so early on, only to forget it. Until we are reminded by life that the only way to survive the inevitable suffering we all face or will face is through remaining connected to this centre.
what led me to read countless books on yoga & buddhism I don’t know, and soon I was reading books on sufism, and very organically began to accept these ideals and implement them in my day to day life. I’m still surprised by my personal transformation & I can’t imagine how others who have known me feel! I remember this “personality” I used to have. Addicted, indulging, lethargic, critical, agnostic/athiest, and angry with short bursts of happiness. Now i’m awake at 6 am, practicing yoga, full of energy, devoted, and content. I know some would attribute it to personal strength, but I know where the credit lies: the grace of God gave me the answers, allowed me to find my heart, my centre, and make my connection to it stronger.
But I digress. This molecule of sand. This feeling of being weightless and heavy all at once. A feeling of being one with this earth, this day to day life, living it fully in awe of all the beauty and contradiction, while staying connected with divine presence in every moment. And the answer is simple – just do what you love – once you reconnect it will be so clear. I remember distinctly the feeling of mud on my bare feet in the garden when I was a baby, getting mud in between the toes, in my fingers. And now I come full circle – re connecting with that part of my soul that just wants to be outside messing in the mud:)