Rachel, a yoga teacher I met in Sri Lanka, had this really amazing thing she’d make us do in class. When we would have our eyes closed and we were either standing or lying down, she said, “don’t move. don’t fidget or try to fix anything. for a few breathes just stay with the awkwardness, the imbalance, and feel your body.”
I try to do that in my class and for myself when I practice. It’s extremely uncomfortable. You feel like everyone is watching you even when you’re alone. the temptation to move into your comfort zone is so high that sometimes you just go ahead and do it! other times, especially now with practice, when I allow myself to feel awkward and uncomfortable in my body, something really subtle and magnificent happens. I feel free and at the same time for those few breathes i just accept myself with all my imperfections.
what we do on the mat can make us conscious of what we also do off the mat. there are times i’m at a party and i can feel the discomfort in my body because i’m not sure where and how to be. that’s when i try to cover it up with moving my body into a position that postures “confidence”. for me its the hip and neck tilt 🙂 but now i have started to experiment…to wait a little bit with that discomfort and allow my body to be comfortable in its awkwardness. and the more i do that I realize that “the awkwardness” is a state of my mind- it is my mind labeling, defining and judging instead of just BEING.
a few weeks a go i started to spend some time painting. it had been something i wanted to do for ages. and today i sat outside in my patio with my canvas ready, paints, brushes and created a usual abstract mush of colors. but there was something i didn’t like about it. and so i took a big brush, my favorite color (green) and painted over it! The simple act of covering up what I didn’t “like” made me realize and smile. So basically when I don’t like something about myself, I cover it up. Maybe with an excuse, with a rationalization, or with a SMILE!
what’s funny is that while I was trying to paint over the painting all the colors underneath started to mix with the green. and then it occurred to me, what was I trying to cover up? Me in all my imperfect glory? and why would I want to do that?
at least i know what to title the painting:)
love and blessings!
FRIDAY NIGHT at 1:49 AM with no regrets: It is when we realize that when we are naturally who we are that we are infinitely indescribably beautiful. nothing matters, no illusions of fame, beauty or riches. it is all one big play. so then I ask what is the need to cover up what is infinitely more beautiful than I know? What is the point of being scared of being human?