When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all of your thoughts break their bonds: your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction and you find yourself in a new, great and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive and you discover yourself to be a greater person than you ever dreamed before.
– Patanjali, Sage. taken from the Monk who sold his Ferrari.
I know we’ve all had at least a glimpse of that. Or I hope that most of us have even if its just for a second when you realize your immense power, bigger than your dreams ever indicated. Nothing foretells the thrill of inspiration. And that too inspiration with great purpose!
I am timid and scared to write the words that are in my mind. There are so many things happening these days and its been a while since I’ve felt off center. There are times when nothing makes sense except when I remember that I’m still breathing.
This is what an ordinary moment is like. Yet there is always this deeper connection now. I know it because I’m the space that holds that connection. I am the space that allows my universe to manifest.
When stripped to observing a miniscule quantum particle of movement in my lower back the external world seems like a one big fat lie. Or the better word I guess is an illusion. But I don’t think I can be so neutral still about the external. Its very effortful to constantly watch my ego. Yet once you’ve started its about impossible to go back.
“Then I smiled to myself. There are no prescriptions for a long relationship. Things change.” (Practical Wisdom, Yoga Journal)
My first memory of yoga is with my mom in an exercise studio that my aunt owned. I was young and I loved it. In my summer dress, a strange kind of child, I would play and relax quietly. Loving being there. That’s the feeling I remember and a small image of me in my memory doesn’t do it justice.
Then I didn’t think about anything like yoga until 17 years later on U street, Boundless Yoga in Washington D.C. I had been too scared to go and not interested for years. I had put on weight, tired eyes, and had a very active pain body.
I found a woman’s class I really loved. Truly. That was her name. She was beautiful, kind and made us feel like we were goddesses/gods by the end of class. So gentle. So soothing.
That’s the yoga that first spoke to me. I just loved the slow stretches. The flowy movements and I started to go regularly. But my favorite was Friday after a hell week at work (as it always was then) to go Truly’s class and be rejuvenated for the weekend.
But I had no idea that you could carry forward that blissed out feeling I found in yoga class into my day to day life until 5 years later on the eve of my return to Karachi.
I arrived in Toronto with the kind of ambition that leads one to do everything and anything to prove something, to “find purpose”, that inspiration. I worked more than I can imagine now. Maybe I still haven’t really slowed down in so many ways. I meet people at both extremes (relative to me ofcourse ;)!). those who work a lot and those who don’t all. And nothing makes a difference. The only difference is the state of mind someone is carrying.
I think I’m scared to be busy again. I feel fear rising when I remember the responsibilities of being tied to a partner, home, and job. It’s funny and then right away the opposition begins. That the fear is an illusion and that if I open my heart wide to the universe it will give me exactly the purpose I can hold, handle, and carry forward.
And again, back in Toronto, when I was at my wit’s end. Soul crying, body hurting, and mind madness of all kinds yoga came back. This time I was forced to go to yoga class by my friend, got there, took a stretch and cried.
I promised myself that I would come to this class every week, at Yoga Sanctuary, on Sundays at 1:30 with Senem. Those classes are imprinted in my heart. Glimpses of what it would be like to be free from my mind! My emotions! Experience a freedom that drugs, alcohol and sex never introduced to me.
Yoga hasn’t left me since. There hasn’t been any prescription to this relationship either. But its doing its magic on me. Its unraveling me and putting me back together. Its making reality a journey, a process, an experience that is right now and nowhere else. Yoga on my 2nd year anniversary with you I want to say you’re the best teacher I’ve ever had! You introduced me to God, friends, love, heartbeat, music, dance, poetry, philosophy, inspiration, feet, animals, nature, chakras, crystals, Buddha, Tolle, Rumi, Myss, Helminski and Sheikh Zawia and countless other teachers full of wisdom.
I want to appreciate all the teachers whose books or teachings (or their spirit/consciousness) have changed my reality. Thank you for traveling on roads less travelled. Thank you for searching and finding timeless wisdom. And thank you for letting me be a student.
May God bless all my teachers and my students. May we all be blessed with all the rebirths we need to find our great purpose.