Karachi Yogini

Yoga for Life!

chocolate coffee-cup. November 28, 2011

Filed under: poetry,Uncategorized — yogini786 @ 1:52 pm

Nov 24 10:04 pm

I feel

complication.

I desire

simplification.

its in my hands,

I say I know.

I want to know.

*    *    *

I talk to ghosts.
I sing to God,
and I dance to the mirror.

I find the beauty
in lines
and shapes
of green
and brown
mixed around me-

swirled like
chocolate
coffee cups,

i plunge a finger
in to taste
the bittersweetness
of darkness.

and I watch
for the
steam to rise
to cloud my vision.

*    *    *
cues
are to look ahead.

directed
with
planted
soles.

i feel
like
you are
here

right now,

in my chocolate
coffee-cup

mixing
reality
with fantasy

(I create
complication
inside
simplicity).

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guilty goo November 25, 2011

Filed under: spirituality,Uncategorized — yogini786 @ 2:28 pm

I’m ready to start clearing up some of this guilt possessed mess so I can have fun, play, and relax into myself the way I am.

What makes me feel this messy gooey emotion otherwise known as guilt?

I feel guilty about…

– my past relationships

– my eating habits (chips late at night, too much of this or that!)

– my fatigue, my tiredness, my not having any energy to give

– how much money I spend on me!

– my occasional smoking and drinking

– my relationship with my parents especially my mom

– my not being “perfect” (but what exactly is perfect I have no idea!)

– when i skip my yoga or meditation practice

The dialogue I am so unconscious of – I am not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, strong enough, until it becomes so loud that it dilutes everything else inside of me and outside of me.  Always watching like a hawk where and when I lack rather than where and when I am amazing, full of life, connected, pure, and giving while receiving.

I work so hard to be at balance with all the things that consume me, and yet instead of enjoying myself I only look for the opportunities to beat myself up.  And i’m truly fed up of this cycle of guilt.  i’m done with my inner harsh critic.  Instead today I promise to make the intention to listen a lot more to my inner fan.  And maybe soon enough I will have my own personal fan club within rather than trying to validate myself by getting approval from others.  Though there is nothing wrong with that, but I’m starting to see why it doesn’t help what others have to say or approve about me, when I am constantly belittling myself.

I am…

more than just a collection of good and bad.  more than just a form that is obsessed with outward and inward perfection.  more than my guilt or my freedom from it.

Today I’m going to have a sense of humor about my grand plans for perfection! Hah!  Why would I give all this up for something that isn’t even real?  I feel, I’m alive, I’m human and whatever tomorrow brings to me, I want to pay attention to the joy and pain I have now.  I want to let go of this heavy burden of guilt so I can become unstuck, content with what I have, and appreciate all my relationships for what they give and have given me.  but mostly I want to let go of my guilt so i can truly begin to heal, accept and love myself for what I am: an incredible reflection of being human.

‘An analogy for Bodhicitta is the rawness of a broken heart. Sometimes this broken heart gives birth to anxiety and panic, sometimes to anger, resentment and blame. But under the hardness of that armour there is the tenderness of genuine sadness. This continual ache of the heart is a blessing that when accepted fully can be shared with all.’ (The Places That Scare You, p4, Pema Chodron)

Read an article by Pema Chodron – its worth it – and throws me a big curve ball after having just written this post.

Six Kinds of Loneliness

 

stars on a sticker sheet. November 16, 2011

Filed under: poetry,Uncategorized — yogini786 @ 11:21 pm

Oct 19 2011
11:29 pm

i’m floating
like a
cut out
star
from a
sticker
sheet.

I’m holding
myself
between my finger
and
thumb
looking
carefully
for a spot
to stick myself
in.

* * *
I belong in the
vast
skies
while
I stay centered
within

dark & light
day & night
smart & silly
strange & sane

the definitions
of a
hot/cold
universe
seem to work
for now.

yet I know
as I pick another
cut up
star
and look to place it
that
i’m
moving
beyond

fear & love
right & wrong
yes & no
here & there
*     *     *

strange
stars
beckon me
to be
at ease

with what i know
now

 

you can November 10, 2011

Filed under: poetry,spirituality,Uncategorized — yogini786 @ 1:33 am

breathe through anything.

when things are busy. when they are quiet. when you are moving. when you are still. when you stop and start. when you are worried. when you’re crying. scared. or angry. when you’re irritated or disappointed. frustrated and sad.

when you’re joyous and excited. when you’re flying. when you’re singing or dancing. when you’re listening and watching.

I remember my breathe now more and more. especially when i notice i’m not present in my body. Then I turn my attention to feel my breathe as it moves through my body.  my old defenses of arguing melt away. breathe through my stubborn-ness.  my need to be right. my pride obsessed and pride filled ego.

you can breathe, i can breathe, through all states. we can’t change our state with our breath. but we can accept whatever is coming up in that moment.

deep.inhale + exhale.sigh.

 

go slow. be here. November 1, 2011

Filed under: poetry,spirituality,Uncategorized — yogini786 @ 9:21 pm

I have had a lot happening in my life for months now.

And tomorrow I go for one of my best friend’s wedding in Dubai.  Nadia is one of the happiest people I know.  So fun. Just thinking about seeing her smile tomorrow at the airport makes me relax.  I always think ahead like all of us, and months a go I was thinking, God I’ll have to take a week out go to a wedding, it’ll be so tiring.

But now the week is here and wow, the timing couldnt’ be better.  I’ve been so tired. My body barely wants to move from bed in the morning.  The back of my heart and my lower back are done.  Over done.

I give myself all that I can.  Yet somehow I still get lost, I lose attention and feel overwhelmed.  Too much happening all the time.  I blame it on Karachi, the city that never sleeps.  I blame myself, the person who gets along with everyone.  I blame everyone else, all who I at times feel want a piece of me.  And when I start to get caught up in my mind like that I know there is only thing left to do.

Let it happen.  Let it go. Be here.

When I’m doing too much I always feel like i’m flailing and failing.  When I’m crying I always feel like i’m emptying and dying.  When i’m singing I always feel like I’m awakening and loving.  But when I’m being I feel nothing except the simple awareness that is watching life’s drama play out.  unfold and fold in layers around me.

To a week of rest & relaxation.  To no agenda and to no trying.  And nothing can help you better in times like this than a friend who loves you just as you are, no effort involved.