i turn my head up to see. the open sky. the silhouette of wing spans. the faint lines of clouds that could have been.
2012 has only just started and i feel. i feel so much all the time. i wonder when this passes will i be ok? will i be ok with silence and space?
i am in the midst of understanding the childhood that I so securely kept away. I run on the open palm field of my old school. where I spent 14 years in the safe cocoon of activity and friendships.
a while back my friend and I wrote a blog about the word sacred. and i realized today that relationships that have been so difficult for me to understand, relationships that I will always have are so complicated that I lose perspective. I lose knowing that they are spirits as well with their own journeys, with their own gaping holes of misery, and their own paths in trying to heal. I forget that all my relationships are sacred, not just those that are easy.
there is no complete truth. there is no one answer. even these statements are not complete or entirely true. I started walking. I started to dance and sing. I flew and I want to keep on flying. but days like these i remember that it is the feet that stay with mother earth. that i can’t be and won’t be perfect.
after running with my inner monologues, I end with the soft steps of a cool down lap. and lay on the yoga mat in the open palm field. I sit and stretch my tired muscles. what am i waiting for? everything is already here, everything is clear.
I pray. I pray that I can live bound to no expectations. I pray that I can find solace in the heart of the Divine. I pray moment to moment. I can only be where I am. I may be crazy, distraught, unreasonable, and discontent. I may be strong, wise and loving. I is not enough to capture the mystery of life around or inside me.
Let it go, Aisha. Let it be.