its almost the middle of 2012. its a day before my 30 day mark in my 365 day yoga personal practice challenge I have committed to myself and its been a little more than 2 months since I brought the love of my life, pepper, a mixed breed, oversized, puppy into my life.
I have grown up a lot it seems in 2012. And its funny, how I thought I could make commitments before, and now how after being scared and fearful of anything that I could attach to: job, city, friends, relationships, activities, I am finally ready to commit. Not to what we usually think about. Not a relationship with someone I love or someone I want to marry (in my communities those two don’t necessarily correlate).
So then what am I committing to? I don’t know how to put words to the tangible aspects but psychologically, emotionally, spiritually and economically I am committing to being a full adult. And as an adult will I need help, love, friendship, support among other must haves like chips, chocolate, laughing, beach days, my laptop, phone etc? YES, I will plus more!
Committing to being an adult is strange since everyone (including me not so long a go) assumes that age is the way to gauge our adult status. But I guess i’ve come up with some things that are part of my commit.ment to being an adult.
– I can and will support my self financially because I have the capacity and time and opportunity to do it.
– I can and will be responsible for my well-being and safety and not blame others for when I fall, hurt, and break (physically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally).
– I will always live with my truth, sometimes its glaringly uncomfortable, other times overwhelmingly wise. I accept that I exist in this shifting pendulum of life of which I do not control much, if at all.
– I am always going to feel butterflies in my stomach and have a heart made of soft squishy putty when it comes to emotionally unavailable intelligent artistic men.
– I am never going to be completely serious. or perfect. or anything. I am just going to be here living it up with gratitude as much as I can.
– I know now that I have a lot to offer. I believe in the dreams I have for myself and the communities I live in/with (including the biggest jungle of them all, with my adult survivor kit handy: LIFE IN KARACHI!)
– I will sing & dance!
So thank you all, many of you have helped me reach this critical point in my journey. I have faith and courage. And I have fear & anxiety. All are ok. All are impermanent. But my life seems less like a dream and more like the perfect gift for a 30 something soul searching yogini.