Karachi Yogini

Yoga for Life!

monsoon in june June 13, 2013

Filed under: And the Journey begins...,poetry,spirituality — yogini786 @ 5:21 pm

it’s been a long time since I wrote anything and actually posted it.  A melancholy sifts through my day today.  With clouds hanging low, the sudden release of rain, hoping, waiting and then just letting it all go so that the earth can absorb me again.

I watched as two birds sat on the highest little branch of my grandfather’s tree watching and listening, just as I, the sky change color, the wind mixed with rolling thunder.

As things continue, my fourth June back in Karachi, the movement of my solitary life has reached a new destination, completely lost in translation.

cliff-diving

my words are stuck, a theme for 2013, where I long and yearn for something to truly change.  a lost heart, broken with wings, flies from mountain top to mountain top to find that the view has not changed at all.  And neither have I.

 

I feel incomplete, longing for a wholeness, that tempts me with glimpses. and all i can do is return to the lostness of the vast sensations my heart sends through and through.  as my mind races from the past to the future, I pray for the depth to carry myself over another edge.  of never knowing and yet always trusting.

 

“Are you going to leap into the abyss or are you going to stick to the safe, the known …In other words, if you do not leap off the cliff, you will be tossed off it.”  Shaykh Ebrahim (Etsko Schuitema Millenium Discourses)

 

 

burning heart November 23, 2012

Nov 16, 2012

the fire
burns
quicker
than I
can catch the words.

So here I am again. Three years later and Truth has truly become like Krisnamurti has said… “a pathless land.”

Life has humbled me this year. I thought what was the worst had passed, but now I’m beginning to understand that better or worse are old remnants of a conditioned mind.

A mind that has nothing but complaints and desires. And then the polishing of the heart. The constant and deliberate process. I am feeling its burning, burning away the ideals of the past only to desire again truly the deepest love one can.

I travel today with other seekers to a place of spiritual calling. A longing in my heart, so deeply fulfilled, by the entire sequence of events that will unfold over the next few days and yet I know it is just one more experience in the pathless-ness of Truth. That what I need I am always getting. That when I cry I am always held. That when I reach out I am always protected.

Nov 23, 2012

Returned.  Arriving home from home.  What does it mean when every place becomes home?  Where love embraces me as if I am no stranger, as if i’m not the seeker but the seeked?

Ganje Shakar.  The Sweet One.  There are no words for this week.  The beads of my tasbih lay witness to what my soul experienced with the deepest of gratitude.

 

The Divine Net October 28, 2012

Filed under: Islam/Sufism,poetry,spirituality,Uncategorized — yogini786 @ 8:42 pm

I float in between the boundaries of shock and realization.

I am on a path gifted through the breaking only true suffering can engender.  And on this path there has been a consistency of pain.  The more I open, expand, the more my life continues to fall beneath my feet.  nothing is solid, nothing is real.

“Transformation is painful. A Master has to work with a hammer in his hand.”

May god have mercy on the many people today, including my family, who have been deeply affected by the loss of a place built on hard work, heart & soul.  May the fire that burns through the walls of an impermanent structure, clear and purify the space, so our hearts can even more deeply embrace the awe of our Master. and continually allow us to submit our powerlessness to His will.

“For those who are afflicted with disaster, glad tidings await them: so remain patient and happy with your Lord. ‘He cannot be questioned as to what He does, while they will be questioned.” (Quran, 21:23).

 

why… October 9, 2012

Filed under: And the Journey begins...,Islam/Sufism,poetry,spirituality — yogini786 @ 9:37 pm

that word seems to have a certain negative quality to it now.  and yet it returns again and again.  others ask me, but why?  I ask myself, why? and when most lost, I look to the Divine, and I ask it, why?

And the answers are never clear-cut.  and yet they are.  It is a complete and utter paradox.  But when prompted to put the answer into words, into human form, I am at a loss only anchored with one truth:

“it feels right” (translates to I have surrendered).

no more pretense of being nicer than I am, happier than I am.  I have been completely and entirely undone again and again so many times that there is no safety in pretending that somehow I am in control of the events that unfold which loosely connect to what I call “my life”.

But there is something I am more aware of increasingly, that in each moment, my choice is to either be with me as I am, or to cling/desire/avert/escape the moment.  and even this choice is actually choice-less when it is done through truth.

I haven’t been able to write for a while.  The block is deep, because the change is vast, and the expression seems stunted, almost comically absurd even now as I start to recollect why?

But, yes, the answers have been coming as beautiful strong feelings of clarity and trust.  I know not to trust my desire to know why, but I also know now not to take it so seriously.  to lighten up a bit, breathe some space into the thickness of my emotions, and embrace starting from where I am (Pema Chodron thank you).

and now i’m seeing that perhaps the best answer to all these why’s is why not?

 

tears & kindness August 18, 2012

Filed under: Islam/Sufism,poetry,spirituality — yogini786 @ 12:32 am

Sometime towards the end of this evening, while listening to the closing verses of the Quran, my mind took me to navigate a selection of hidden memories within.

Like sharp thorns I saw flashes– a filmstrip, breaking itself into my stream of attention.  And I remembered the face of one who showed me kindness in a time of great grief and loss.  Then I remembered another.  and another.

the list that opened my heart, led to a simple tear escaping my eyes.

i prayed that i would always remember the million kindnesses that helped me survive, and continue to help me move.  the kindness that I have been bestowed by the only One who can, multiplied through the incredible life that I have come into contact with.

Where previously I would have choked back my tears, or resisted the familiar deep pain in my jaw,  this time, I surrendered to this amazing feeling of being alive, of being so human, so vulnerable, and so lost only so that I could remember again, again and again.  I am home already. And my home is built on kindness, it has windows of light, and rooms to protect us.  It has joy in the smiles of those who live in it, and it has the deepest blessing of the Divine: to understand the Truth for what it is and to be ever grateful for it.

 

 

 

 

 

Beloved Moon Monsoon in Karachi July 3, 2012

Filed under: poetry — yogini786 @ 11:17 pm

I took a double take as I saw the date on my phone today.  July 3rd.  How did time move so quickly?  Each day at the ashram felt like a week and each week like a month. and here, in my Beloved Karachi, 20 days have moved like a gust of wind.

The movement of a day is lost in a haze of activity.  There’s something always leftover for the next day.  There’s something or someone always waiting.  There’s always this arrogance of a tomorrow coming and yet no one knows better than us how quickly the predictable day can become a minefield to travel.

Feel like a poem, waiting for inspiration, as I search for the heavy monsoon cloud that will finally pour down on us after a year of thirst.

 

what’s the rush? February 24, 2012

“You are not just a meaningless fragment in an alien universe, briefly suspended between life and death, allowed a few short-lived pleasures followed by pain and ultimate annihilation. Underneath your outer form, you are connected with something so vast, so immeasurable and sacred, that it cannot be spoken of – yet I am speaking of it now. I am speaking of it now not to give you something to believe in but to show you how you can know it for yourself.” – Eckhart Tolle

When I sat today in meditation, I kept on thinking, swirling around in a swarm of thoughts about my work, my students, my life.

what’s new?

nothing in fact.  my mind continues to unravel its patterns everyday.  and everyday I remind myself. go into your heart aisha, go into your body.

***

What’s the rush? What and where am I trying to get to so fast?  Why should it be fast? Why would I be given an easy ticket to enlightenment and peace when I know that without this process, of being laundered and dried out of my deepest grooves, my soul will never find freedom.

Today’s message from my Sufi book of life, reminded me to be in awe of the subtle mysteries of life: Al-Latif.  When there is nothing to be made sense of, the best thing one can do is add wonder and awe into the situation.

I’m not able to express or put in words the state that I’ve been in this past week. But i’ll try.  Part of it is an even further opening of my heart.  the other is being in awe of the gifts and duties I’ve been given in this particular moment.  another is knowing, so surely, and so deeply that there is no rush to get anywhere and that in fact where I am now is so poetic: deep, ironic, and in perfect rhythm and rhyme.

so today I ask you, and you, what is the rush to being more than what you are right now, in this moment that you read what I’ve written on a Friday morning, on my red couch, on a 2009 Macbook Pro, in yoga clothes, with glasses & electric blue nailpolish on, listening to the birds that come and go in the garden outside.

we have all the time in the world. just rest and relax in that knowing.  time that is not limited to the human form, or human desires. but time that is carved by the soul’s journey. step by step, moment to moment.

 

 

“Death is not the opposite of life.  Life has no opposite.  The opposite of death is birth.  Life is eternal.” – Eckhart Tolle